The Sharpest Lives
by love-child-1403
Summary: It's been years since Captain Holly Short of LEPrecon had any contact with child genius, Artemis Fowl. However, things are going south in Haven and fate will push them together once again – in the bloodiest of ways. ArtemisxHolly. Rated T, just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: The Sharpest Lives**

Author: lovechild1403

**Summary:** It's been years since Captain Holly Short of LEPrecon had any contact with child genius, Artemis Fowl. However, things are going south in Haven and fate will push them together once again – in the bloodiest of ways. [Artemis x Holly]  
**  
Disclaimer:** I am not Eoin Colfer and if I were, I wouldn't have been able to end The Time Paradox any better, no matter what I might say on the subject. The title is a song by My Chemical Romance, which was the inspiration for this story. I own neither the wonderful band members nor their songs. But you could've worked that out for yourself.

**A/N:** I have actually read all the books but I'm choosing to write this as though no books exist after The Eternity Code and I'm pretending that Artemis's scheme with the gold medallion worked so he got his memories back a couple of years later, which is when he originally told Mulch to come and find him. Also, Opal is in a genuine coma because otherwise I would have to kill her and I don't have time right now.

**P.S.** Also, the LEP recruited Mulch instead of giving him a two-minute head start. Let's be honest here, he's a freaking brilliant character.

**SPOILER ALERT: **There's nothing specific in this but, just to be safe, I'll say everything up to and including The Opal Deception (I use some of the technology mentioned in there, I think).

**--x--**

_-The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead-_

**--x--**

Haven

Holly wasn't happy, though she couldn't for the life of her work out why. She had just woken up feeling like crap and now she was about to be pushed over the edge of madness – by none other than Mulch Diggums; convict, friend and, as of late, total thorn in Holly's side. She gritted her teeth.

"I don't understand Julius myself. I mean, I'm not the criminal he likes to think I am and I barely plot at all any more, but he still gives me no respect. He sends me off on errands like I'm some kind of personal slave!" Mulch was ranting about having to come and fetch Captain Short for the Commander and it was beginning to get on her nerves.

"Mulch, today is not a day you want to annoy me." The words were simple and the sentence was short but it shut Mulch up immediately; he knew better than to get on Holly's bad side.

When the pair reached Police Plaza, having travelled the remainder of the way in complete silence, Holly was summoned into Root's office before she'd been two seconds inside the building. When she saw her commander's face, she knew that something was seriously wrong.

"Captain Short, reporting for duty as requested, sir," she said automatically, though she knew she sounded a tad uncertain. A flicker of a smile passed across Root's face but it was gone in a second.

"Holly," he began slowly, his brow furrowing when his hand closed around nothingness in the search for one his trademark fungus cigars. This was definitely bad; the Commander had called her by name… and he had run out of his pungent cigars, which Holly was sure had never happened in all of fairy history. He sighed and continued, letting his hand drop to his side: "I've been forced to step down."

"What?" It didn't even register with Holly how rude that must have sounded – this didn't make any sense to her. The expression on Root's face hardened.

"If you don't get out of this place soon then _you _may be asked to something that you really don't want to do, Captain." Holly wasn't all there – part of her was considering how she could stop Root from leaving his post (she was sure that she couldn't – clearly the other side in whatever game they had started playing was holding all the cards), whilst another part of her was considering her own options. She could either leave, or…

"With all due respect, sir, I have to stay," she said firmly, though she wasn't half as sure as she sounded about the decision she was about to make. "You've always said that it's not about what's best for me, it's about what's best for the People. I believe that I can serve no greater purpose by leaving the LEP… sir," she added quickly, hoping that he would understand that she had to stay. She could get past having a new commander, though she knew he was likely to be a total chauvinist and hate her for doing her job the way she did, which was just about the opposite of what she was supposed to do – she was sure that she hadn't been around when they were giving out the rule-book. All of this was stuff that she could deal with – she was no child – but she had to find out what was going on that meant Commander Root had to be out of the picture. He was an excellent leader and no one knew the officers quite like him, so there was no reason that he should have to step down. This Holly knew, yet it _was _happening.

"That's my girl," Root said, and Holly realised he was smiling at her. If she hadn't known better, she would've said that there was a tear in his eye, but that was so unlike her commander that she completely ignored it. "Well, Captain, I hope I'll be seeing you soon – don't go getting yourself killed." His voice was gruff when he clapped her on the shoulder before leaving, letting the door close behind him. Holly was left alone in what had, until a few moments ago been Commander Root's office, completely stunned.

"No way…" Mulch said for the hundredth time, looking for all the world like someone had just told him that there was no more clay left in Ireland – which, according to Mulch, had the best he had ever tasted. Holly didn't reply, just like she hadn't replied all the other times he'd said it because she was quite sure that he was fighting a losing battle; Julius Root was no longer part of the LEP and there was nothing that either of them could do about it.

"I know we had our differences, me and Julius, but this is just stupid!" She had to agree with Mulch there. A second after he'd said this, a sharp beep sounded from Holly's helmet, which was sitting to the side of them – it was the sound that was made when you had incoming mail. It was a message from the new commander ('_so soon?'_ thought Holly. _'It doesn't seem right'_) asking her to report to his office right away. Root's office, as it was labelled in her mind. She had been there only an hour ago and it was typical of her luck that she'd have to get back there just after she'd left.

"New commander," she grunted to Mulch, who had raised one unkempt eyebrow at her discontented sigh. He seemed to understand, as he laid one uncharacteristically gentle hand on her elbow. Holly nodded to him and took her leave; it wouldn't do to make a bad impression on the guy's first day, even if she was none too happy about Root being replaced. She didn't want to get taken off recon.

When she arrived back at the plaza she was immediately met by what seemed to be a set of armed guards. They weren't particularly menacing and Holly was sure that they weren't meant to be – if they had, then Grub Kelp probably wouldn't have been chosen to be amongst their ranks – but it was still somewhat unnerving. Any hint of strangeness was dissolved, however, when Grub's face lit up with a blinding grin.

"Hey there, Hol- I mean, Captain Short," he said with some difficulty, obviously trying to remain a little professional in front of the other elf, whom Holly didn't know.

"We've been requested to make sure that you make your way safely to Commander Brook's office, Captain Short," said the decidedly boring guard on Grub's left. His seriousness only served to amuse Holly, which probably hadn't been his intention. She almost felt bad for the smirk that passed briefly across her features.

"And why exactly does _Commander Brook _think that I need an armed guard to get from here to his office?" she asked, a sharp pain cutting through her at having to say his name instead of Root's; it was just wrong. The nameless elf didn't reply, instead motioning towards the doors without smiling. Holly rolled her eyes but decided that she'd better play along for now. There was nothing she could do about this whole situation by ignoring it but it certainly wouldn't do for her to be fired for insubordination or something equally ridiculous.

Grub and his partner left her at the door and she was summoned inside by a deep, gravely voice only seconds after she'd knocked. She entered and realised that she didn't actually know this elf at all. He was tall, as far as her species went – at least a couple of centimetres over the average – and his dark hair was pulled back into a stubby ponytail. All in all, he was a little unusual-looking but there was nothing that Holly could glean from his appearance that told her anything about his personality and how good a commander he would be.

"Ah, Captain Short, glad you could get back here so quickly on such short notice." So far, so good – he had yet to mention her gender, slightly below-average height or any of her past discretions. Judging by Root's standards this was quite amazing, as her ex-commander had always managed to get such comments in at the beginning of the conversation, though she knew it was only to keep up appearances. Root was very much like a father to Holly but he could never show any favouritism.

"Not a problem, sir," she said automatically, standing a little straighter and just managing to hold back a salute – there wasn't really any occasion for one.

"I have a job for you and I thought that you'd be the perfect candidate. You have prior knowledge and it might help…" Straight to business, it would seem. He walked to his desk and picked up an electronic file that Foaly had created a few years ago to save everyone having to repeat mission briefs over and over. Holly took it with a sense of foreboding. She navigated her way into the main file and her fears were confirmed by what she saw there. "Artemis Fowl," Brook began, sounding as though he had rehearsed his speech and committed it to memory; "Mud man, child prodigy – by human standards – and author of several romance novels under a female alias." Strangely, Holly's first thought on this was _'I wonder if he based any of his characters on the People?'_ Her next thought was '_I bet they're racy'_, which she put down to her severe anxiety. She had hoped that she would never again have to deal with this particular mud man, as he always managed to confuse her in some way. "Anyway," continued Brook, "you probably know more than I do about him."

"It _is _my speciality subject, sir," she said with less humour in her voice than the comment probably merited. Her new commander chuckled – that was gravely too.

"I'm sure you'll agree that it's better to be rid of this threat while there's something we can do about it, Captain. The people of Haven will be better off after this." Holly froze.

"Be _rid _of him, sir?" she asked, trying not to sound like she was shocked. Needless to say, it didn't really work, as that's exactly how she was feeling. She was being asked to kill Artemis Fowl. Considering the fact that they hadn't met in three years, he'd be – what – seventeen now? He was still a teenager – young, even by human standards! There wasn't a single part of Holly that didn't think this was a seriously bad idea, and not just because it was morally grey. Well, more than morally grey, it was downright _wrong_, but it made her feel better to think of it like that. However, there was a voice in the back of her mind that was protesting very loudly at the idea of the mud boy being done away with in any way, shape or form. He had been a friend to her, so the very idea of killing him repulsed her but she couldn't very well say so to the Commander.

"He is throwing a shadow over the People's existence; he knows far too much to leave us be for much longer. Unless, of course, you don't want to take this on, in which case it can easily be delegated to somebody else," Brook said, an edge creeping into his voice; he was baiting her. There was a suggestion in his voice that she wouldn't be able to do it because she was a woman and therefore weak. "I just thought that you would be able to understand what we have to do here." Holly nodded stiffly. If she gave the case to someone else then there would be no chance for Artemis. Her only hope was to take it and formulate some kind of plan to save the danger-attracting mud boy.

"Of course, sir," she said, though it was killing her not to scream at him that he was being ridiculous. "There's no need for anything like that, I can deal with it." The cogs in her head were turning at terrifying speeds, threatening to over-heat her brain so that it came out of her ears; there were just too many things to think about. Perhaps that's how she would go? Her brain all over the floor after thinking too hard…

"Excellent," said Brook, obviously not noticing her internal meltdown. "You have a couple of days to sort things out and then I expect you to return from the surface within the week, is that understood?"

"Yes, sir." Holly left his office, her mind still reeling. She knew one thing for certain – she had to see Foaly immediately.

"Holly, this is serious," the centaur said nervously, his hooves clicking on the floor as he shifted from one to another. "Have you read the file?" The elf nodded and sat down heavily on one of the many uncomfortable chairs that littered Foaly's command centre.

The file stated that Artemis Fowl had to be eliminated in a public place ("What in the name of Frond do they think they're playing at?" Foaly had exclaimed upon reading this. "They want _me _to monitor the 'incident'? Well, let me tell you, they've got another think coming!"), which meant there was no way that Holly could just _not _shoot him without the Commander having her neck.

"You're the genius here, Foaly," she sighed, running her thumbs absent-mindedly up and down the side of the helmet she was holding in her hands. "Maybe he's not going to be in a public place in the next couple of days? You've got to admit, he _is _a bit of a recluse." The centaur immediately squashed her hope.

"Sorry, Holly… You know we're monitoring him and he's making a speech at a conference hall in Limerick in three days." He shrugged and Holly could almost imagine that he seemed a little miserable with the idea. She put her helmet on the floor and buried her face in her hands.

"And they're making me do it with one of those human guns?" she asked through her fingers, correctly assuming that Foaly could still hear her.

"Yeah – means they'll all think it was a mud man. You've got to admit, the kid's got a lot of enemies," he said, tapping keys and poking at his plasma monitor like it had personally offended him. "Butler and the others won't be able to link you to the weapon." Holly felt like punching something. She couldn't believe that there wasn't a way out of this! She couldn't even send him a non-lethal shot because someone would be watching to check that she did it right.

Wait. Holly's head snapped up so fast that it made her head spin.

"Foaly, you _have _to be the one to monitor it," she said quickly, the words formulating in her mind only moments before they came spilling out of her mouth. "I know there might be someone in here with you but you can tell them that I shot him dead – they'd have no reason to suspect you were you were lying." Foaly's brain seemed to be only a few seconds behind hers.

"If you can make it look real enough-" he began, looking close to excited about the fact that he wouldn't have to watch his almost-friend die.

"-Then I can get to him when he's out of sight of the cameras and fix him up before the bullet can kill him!" Holly finished breathlessly, standing up so she could pace up and down the room. "I don't know what I'll do with him afterwards but it's either that or…" She trailed off, not really wanting to finish that thought. Foaly nodded in agreement and began typing furiously; calculating bullet trajectories faster than Holly could _say_ 'bullet trajectories'. After a few seconds he conjured up a life-size 3D model of Artemis Fowl, albeit a fourteen-year-old one. They didn't have up-to-date measurements but it would have to do.

"You'll have to hit him here for it to look real," he said, pointing at a point somewhere near Artemis' heart. Holly committed the image to memory, though she knew that Foaly would probably project the image through to her helmet when the time came. It was best that she was prepared for this. She nodded firmly.

"Okay, got it. I might have to get some practice in actually," she said, suddenly realising that she couldn't remember the last time she'd used anything other than her Neutrino. "You don't happen to have a surface gun down here, do you?" If anybody was going to have one – legally, at any rate – then it was Foaly. Sure enough, he turned back to her from rummaging through the bits and bobs that were scattered around the room with a gun in his hand. She took it and marvelled at how different it felt resting in her palm. It was heavier for a start, though she doubted it was the most recent model, and the metal was colder than she was used to. Holly thanked her friend and left for the firing range after picking her helmet up off the floor.

The firing range was composed of several smaller compartments with holographic images that you were to shoot at to your heart's content. The technology had been built by Foaly many years ago but the holograms were a newer instalment, only a few months old. Holly was going to have to practice _not _killing the targets, which wasn't what this place had been built for. She'd never really used it, as her job usually required her to make sure that the person, be it human or otherwise, on the receiving end of her Neutrino 2000's beam was incapacitated, not dead. Then again, she'd never had to make it _look_ like someone was dead before.

'_There's a first time for everything'_ she thought, scoffing at her own optimism; this definitely was not the time for it. She sighed and flicked the 'on' switch.

**The Surface, two days later**

Despite the unpleasant task that she had been sent to Ireland to complete, Holly couldn't help but relax once she had taken her first gulp of fresh – if polluted - surface air. She engaged her wings and shot into the sky, her shield making the space she should have been occupying shimmer slightly in the light from the moon. Luckily it was full, which meant that she could charge her batteries before she navigated her way to Limerick. She had some time before she had to be there, as the conference wasn't until the following day, so she felt no need to rush. Why be hasty when the day that was coming was going to be just about the hardest one of her life?

Holly found the oak tree she was looking for fairly quickly and once she'd unshielded it wasn't too difficult to find an acorn, the light from the moon lighting the ground beneath her feet with a silvery glow. She gently planted the seed a little way from the tree, chanting the necessary words under her breath, and then waited. Barely a few seconds later she felt the rush of magic fill her to the brim, washing over her in static blue waves that left her fingers crackling with electricity. She loved the feeling of running hot; it was second only to the feeling she got when she flew. She shielded again and leapt into the air, ducking and gliding in harmony with the wind currents. This was where she felt most at home.

She reached Limerick in record time, which was a bit of a disappointment. Holly hadn't wanted to have time to think about what she had to do, as she was sure that she would find some flaw in the plan that she wouldn't be able to solve and then the panicking would start. However, there wasn't much she could do about it now, so she decided to wait it out near the establishment until the sun rose and she had to find shelter. She found a tree that wasn't too near the front gates and found a comfortable perch within its branches, un-shielding to save on energy, though she had plenty. It was just an excuse really; she felt more comfortable when she wasn't vibrating outside of the visible spectrum.

Now all she had to do was wait and hope that this would all be over soon.

It was around seven o'clock in the morning when any kind of activity could be seen from where Holly was sitting. A car pulled up outside the gates and she recognised it immediately as one of the vehicles owned by the Fowls. Of course they'd get here early – it wouldn't do for Artemis to be late. She rolled her eyes in spite of herself and shielded, hopping down from the tree and landing on her feet, like a cat. She made sure that she wasn't in view of the windows because, despite the fact that she was invisible, both Butler and Artemis had the strange ability to notice when one patch of air was slightly more distorted than the rest. She seemed to recall that it was actually rather frustrating.

"Hey, Foaly, that's them now," she said into her helmet, whispering even though she was sure that she was out of hearing range of the car's inhabitants. They couldn't let Artemis know that she was here – it had to look real and Holly didn't really have much faith in his acting abilities.

"Okay, Captain Short, don't forget to keep clear of the vehicle and whatever you do, don't let the mud men see you, all right?" Holly rolled her eyes. She knew that someone had to be listening to their communications, since the centaur had called her "Captain", which he'd recently stopped doing unless a higher authority was present. Still, Foaly's acting was about as good as she suspected Artemis' to be. "And don't roll your eyes at me – I know you're doing it." Unfortunately, he was also exceedingly good at reading her, even if he only had silence to interpret.

"You'll have camera control in around five minutes," she said, ignoring the rest of what he'd said. "It shouldn't take me long to get inside." The only reason she wasn't in there already was because she'd had to check that they'd got the right venue – pure characteristic paranoia on Foaly's part. Holly watched as the gates opened and let the car pass through, closing smoothly closing behind it. This wasn't really a problem for her, due to the wings but there was a slightly bigger problem that she had to overcome. A fairy couldn't enter a building without an invitation, which she could only overcome by forcing someone inside the building to invite her in using the mesmer. Of course, Holly had realised before now that it would have been sensible for them to have let Artemis in on the whole thing but, as previously mentioned, it would have been dangerous to have put any sort of faith in the boy's acting skills. Nobody wants to know that they're going to be shot. Secondly, she and Foaly were quite sure that their communications were being monitored – sometimes it paid to be a little paranoid.

When Holly reached the front door of the large and rather unattractive building, she scanned her surroundings with the practised ease of someone who'd had decades of experience involving such situations. There was only an elderly caretaker in sight – perfect. With some reluctance she un-shielded, as no fairy could use the Mesmer without having eye contact with whomsoever was being mesmerised. The caretaker, who had been cleaning the windows, looked thoroughly shocked for a moment before Holly worked her magic on him.

_"I'd like you to invite me in," _she said softly, layering her voice with the harmonic tones that characterised the Mesmer, _"but after that I want you to forget that I was even here. Do you think you can do that?" _The man nodded briefly, looking a little dazed.

"Would you like to come in, miss?" he said politely, the slightest hint of an Irish accent colouring his words. Holly smiled and crossed the threshold, slipping back into invisibility as she did so. The caretaker went back to cleaning the windows as though nothing had happened – which, to him, was exactly how it seemed.

"I'm inside the building now, Foaly," she whispered, her eyes darting around the corridor in an attempt to find a camera that she could gain control of without being seen by any of the others. She found it aggravating that she had to be visible for any length of time but there really was nothing much she could do when vibrating faster than the eye was able to see. Her options were somewhat limited. With the help of her helmet and Foaly's voice in her ear, she managed to locate a camera that would suffice. She checked that no one was around and then set to work with the little bundle of infrared wires that her centaur friend had developed – they was twisted around any of the central wires that fed into the cameras and from there a connection could be made throughout all the cameras on that network. Foaly could manipulate what the mud men saw on their monitoring equipment if he wanted to but this time it wasn't necessary; he just needed to be able to see what was going on. He was rather proud of this wire and Holly had to admit that it was extremely useful. However, there were times when she could definitely have done without him going on about the magnificence of one of his inventions – now was one of those times.

"Okay, we have eyes – I see what you see," he said finally; the tapping that she could hear in the background alerted her to the fact that she would soon be getting a proposed route to her destination sent through to her helmet. Sure enough, a beep sounded in her ear and a 3D model of the building popped up before her eyes. It was at that moment that someone rounded the corner – Holly experienced an intense moment of horror before she realised that she'd already shielded on autopilot after planting the wire. She let out a sigh of relief and went back to studying the schematics. She only had an hour until Artemis would be taking to the stage to give some kind of science lecture to the people who were gathering here today; the gun that was strapped to her belt felt heavier than before.

The plan was simple: since she was invisible, she would be able to waltz through the halls like she belonged within them, but she'd have to make sure that she didn't crash into anyone on her way to the main conference room – even being higher up than everyone else didn't guarantee that she wasn't going to knock someone in the head. Once she was in there she would have to make her way to the first tier, which would be easy with her wings. Once she was up there it would be easy for her to…

"Got it, Foaly," Holly said firmly, pushing the thought out of her mind. She tried to think of this as saving Artemis' life but it didn't make any difference; no matter how she phrased it, she would still have to shoot him. She began her journey through the corridors, dodging the odd person who would get in her way by flying a little closer to the ceiling. Eventually she found herself in the conference hall, which was absolutely huge. She couldn't believe that someone as young as Artemis Fowl – genius or not – would be giving a presentation to a room with this great a number of people in attendance.

"I would tell you where you could find the best vantage point but I think that would probably undermine your qualities as a recon officer…" said Foaly, a smile in his voice. Holly was surprised at his words, before she realised that he was probably trying to make her feel better about what she had to do. So far, it wasn't really working but she appreciated the effort. She scanned the room and realised that the second tier would probably have the best view of the stage and she would therefore have the greatest chance of getting this right. Because she had to get it right. She would never be able to live with herself if she didn't…

"Second level up, shadowed pillar on the left," she said into her helmet mike, speaking as loudly as she dared; a few people were beginning to filter in from the various entrances. She wondered at their insistence at being so early. Was Artemis's presentation really that important to so many people? Holly felt a spark of something in her chest and it took her a while to recognise it for what it was – pride. She was, for reasons beyond her comprehension, proud of Artemis Fowl.

"Looks perfect to me – I trust that you can hit him from there with that 'gun'?" Holly didn't even bother responding; Foaly knew she was a damn good shot, even under pressures such as these. She heard the quotation marks that the centaur put around the word "gun" and smirked in spite of the situation. He knew very well that any weapon he could make would be ten times more efficient than the equipment of mud men. She flew reluctantly towards her post and settled down to wait, remaining invisible despite the fact that there was no one around to see her on this particular tier. You could never be too careful.

**1 hour later**

The place was full to the brim with mud men and women of every age. Holly could spot some possible child prodigies in the audience, bright eyed and ready to listen to a lecture on something that most children their age wouldn't understand, let alone go out of their way to hear. She mentally noted that they may have more Artemis Fowls to worry about in the future.

Suddenly, the chattering crowds settled down, the abrupt change in noise levels snapping Holly into soldier-mode. She glanced down at the stage and her heart nearly stopped. There, in an Armani suit and looking incredibly different, was Artemis Fowl Junior, heir to the Fowl estate. Some part of Holly's mind – a part that she had repressed for most of her life to make room for instinct and the ability to do her job in the best way she could – was awakened at the sight of him. It immediately began analysing him in a completely opposite way than how she was used to. Usually she would be wondering whether or not the target had a gun hidden beneath his jacket or what kind of security he employed. However, she now found herself wondering when Artemis had decided to grow his hair like that and if it was as soft as it looked.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming. I'm not one for dramatic speeches and I certainly don't want to bore any of you, so let's get started, shall we?" A titter ran through the crowd, though Holly could see nothing funny. She was transfixed by his voice: his accent was as strong as ever but now it ran through deeper tones and if she didn't know better, she'd swear that he was using the Mesmer on her.

"Right, Captain Short – I'd say that the point we're going for is roughly ten minutes into his speech," Foaly's voice was slightly strained when it came through her ear-piece – no doubt he was as anxious for this plan to succeed as she herself was. "I'll send you through a 3D projection of his body and give you your target – remember what we discussed… We only have one shot at this, otherwise all hell's going to break loose up there." Holly felt a bead of sweat form on her forehead. This was it. If she got this wrong then Artemis would die instantly and if it didn't look real enough then Foaly wouldn't be able to pull surveillance quickly enough for her to heal him. Either way, the outcome was death. This had to be absolutely perfect.

**10 minutes later**

Now Holly had the projection, she had the gun and she had enough cover to be able to unshield, aim and shoot without being seen by any of the other humans. The thing was… she couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Holly, now would be a good time." Foaly sounded sure of himself but she had known the centaur long enough to know when he was nervous – now was one of those times.

She steeled herself and pulled the gun from her belt. Seconds later she had unshielded and focussed the gun on the exact spot that she would need to target in order to do this right. Her finger was on the trigger, pulling so slowly that it barely moved. Holly felt like her insides were on fire and that any moment she would be sick. She ignore it and pulled a little harder on the trigger.

However, a certain someone decided to throw a spanner in the works. Just before she sent the bullet flying through the air, Artemis looked up. Their eyes met and for a split-second she could almost pretend that things were normal; that she wasn't pointing a gun at her best friend. But of course, this wasn't the case. She could only watch in horror as the bullet exploded from the gun and planted itself directly below his heart, sending him flying backwards across the stage.

Then, as is customary in these situations, all hell broke loose.

**--x--**

**Reviews please! No steaming ones, please, Deedle!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:**** The Sharpest Lives  
[I said this was going to be a one-shot… I lied!]**

**Author: **lovechild1403

**Summary: **It's been three years since Captain Holly Short of LEPrecon had any contact with child genius, Artemis Fowl. However, things are going south in Haven and fate will push them together once again – in the bloodiest of ways. [Artemis x Holly]

**Disclaimer**: I am not Eoin Colfer and if I were, I wouldn't have been able to end The Time Paradox any better, no matter what I might otherwise say on the subject. The title is a song by My Chemical Romance, which was the inspiration for this story. I own neither the wonderful band members, their songs nor Eoin Colfer's works. Funnily enough, those belong to Eoin Colfer.

**Word count: **2,751

**A/N: **I have actually read all the books but I'm choosing to write this as though no books exist after The Eternity Code and I'm pretending that Artemis's scheme with the gold medallion worked so he got his memories back a couple of years later, which is when he originally told Mulch to come and find him. Also, Opal is in a genuine coma because otherwise I would have to kill her and I don't have time right now.

**P.S. **Also, the LEP recruited Mulch instead of giving him a two day head start. Let's be honest here, he's a freaking brilliant character.

**SPOILER ALERT: **There's nothing specific in this but, just to be safe, I'll say everything up to and including The Opal Deception (I use some of the technology mentioned in there, I think).

**--x--**

**CHAPTER 2**

**--x--**

Every human in the building was screaming, bar Butler, who was still somehow managing to remain completely calm, even under these extreme circumstances. Holly briefly thought that this was probably exactly the kind of situation he'd been trained to handle, but she was too shocked to be thinking straight, so it was completely subconscious. She hadn't been happy with this whole mission to begin with but things had just taken an immense turn for the worse. Because, though Foaly was telling her that "the boy couldn't have survived that shot" and she could easily detect that lying note in his voice… Holly had noticed something the centaur hadn't. In the second before the bullet had hit his chest… Artemis Fowl junior had taken the smallest step back.

Holly tried to remain calm, shielding so that she couldn't be seen by Butler or indeed any of the other humans crowding the room (though she imagined that they couldn't do half as much harm to her as an angry bodyguard whose charge had just been shot); she had to stay focussed. If she could get to Artemis in time then she could heal him but she needed to do it sooner than she'd previously thought would be necessary… Otherwise it would be too late for the Irish teenager. What was even more worrying was the fact that she had no idea whether or not she would be able to get to him within her time limit for such a huge healing process without being seen by either humans or the higher-ups. Get seen by a human; expensive mind-wipes. Get found out by the higher-ups; prison sentence… if she was lucky.

"HOLLY!" A voice was making itself heard over the ruckus and it took the captain a few seconds to register the fact that it was not coming to her over the earpiece. She turned in the direction of the voice and saw that Butler was looking straight at where she was hovering - she knew that he had always able to pick up her slight shimmer with pinpoint accuracy but it was still unnerving. Not only that, but how did he even know it was her? It could have been any number of fairy folk and it was only coincidence and a bloodthirsty new boss that had brought her here in the first place. In fact, how could the bodyguard even remember anything about her people? Hadn't he and the others been mind-wiped?

Then she saw the look in Butler's eyes… He was desperate. In that split-second, Holly made her decision.

Most of the humans had fled the room by this point; the ones who remained were far too wrapped up in their own personal panic attacks to pay any attention to their surroundings. Holly zoomed over to a spot that she knew would shield her from all surveillance (meaning Foaly, or more importantly, the guy _watching _Foaly, could not see her) and became visible again. Though she was hidden from cameras, Butler was now able to see her and there was no surprise in his eyes. He could see and sense her determination from where he stood and he knew that if he interfered it would not bode well for Master Artemis. He didn't fully understand what had happened or why Holly had shot at the boy who had once been her friend, but he was going to give her the benefit of the doubt… for now.

Whilst Butler hovered over Artemis, his eyes flicking between Holly and his charge, she was pulling her Neutrino from its place at her hip and taking aim. She managed to take out every camera in the room within seconds without actually being in range of any of them; she didn't know whether or not Foaly had managed to pull security yet but it wasn't a risk she was willing to take in this instance. She didn't have time to be pleased with her work, however, knowing that it was only a matter of time before the people down below started asking questions. She had to act fast, starting with making sure that her helmet mic wasn't on…

"Butler, get Artemis away from everyone - now!" she yelled down at the bodyguard, her voice betraying her concern for someone she'd once thought of as an enemy. Things had changed… _Holly _had changed. Butler nodded and scooped the teenager up into his arms, running from the room with a speed and grace that amazed the fairy onlooker. How anybody of his size could manage such a feat was inconceivable to her. She shielded and followed quickly until the pair in front of her stopped by a store cupboard. Alarms were sounding in the building now but luckily there was nobody in this particular section, so they were able to slip into the pokey room unseen. As soon as they were inside, Holly unshielded and strode past Butler, seeking the bullet wound in Artemis's chest. She found it and, unbuttoning his shirt to get a better look at it, noted that there was a lot of blood, though not half as much as she had been expecting. Inspecting the hole, she found that, miraculously, the bullet had managed to slip between his ribs, past his heart and right out the other side without damaging anything that she would have trouble fixing.

"We are going to have to have a serious talk once this is over with," Butler's gruff voice sounded so close to threatening that Holly felt herself flinch slightly. However, when she looked at his face, she could see nothing there but concern for his young ward and desperate hope that her magic would do what he had always believed it to be capable of. Turning back to the boy in question, she could see that she was going to have to work fast.

"Stand by the door," she ordered the bodyguard and he did as she asked without question. He had seen a fairy healing before and he was in no rush to be close to that amount of power ever again. Wasting no more time, Holly pressed her hands to Artemis's chest, her fingers just brushing the edges of the wound. She closed her eyes and forced the magic to come now, feeling the sparks dancing down her arms and out of her body; flowing from herself into someone who needed it far more than she. "Heal…" she breathed, forcing more and more magic down to her fingertips. She had always found it to be a strange feeling; something that was so intrinsically a part of her leaving, even though it was to help someone else, and having nothing to replace it.

After only a few seconds it was over and the wound was completely healed. However, Artemis didn't seem to be moving. Her heart in her mouth, Holly leant over the boy and listened for his breathing, praying to anyone who was listening for her friend to be saved. If he died then she would never be able to forgive herself…

"Holly…?" The fairy let out a breath she hadn't even known she was holding and held back a sob of relief. She got to her feet and looked down at Artemis with a genuine smile on her face; he didn't smile back but she could hardly blame him - he must have been quite confused at her presence. Again, however, she had to question his knowledge of her existence at all. However, apparently Butler had decided to take control of the situation now and he had a few questions that needed answering…

"I think you have some explaining to do, Captain Short." Holly couldn't deny that she did, and so she sat down by Artemis - who was still looking a little out-of-it - and indicated that Butler should do the same. Making sure once again that her helmet mic was off, she began to recount the story of how she had been sent to kill the young Irish boy and why she had not been able to refuse; how this had been her only chance to save him. As she spoke, Artemis sat up and by the time she had finished he was studying her quite intently.

"That is quite remarkable," he said quietly, looking rather pensive. "I find myself in your debt once again, Miss Short, though I'm hardly keeping a tally after all this time. However…" Holly raised an eyebrow, wondering what he was going to say next. "Foaly's calculations were slightly off."

"What?" she said, surprised for many reasons. "If that's the case then how come you aren't dead? If Foaly was wrong then I don't understand how-" She stopped herself. She suddenly remembered Artemis's movement before she'd shot him; a barely-perceptible step backwards, and yet… There had been some purpose in it. He had met Holly's eyes for a split-second before the gun had gone off, but had that been enough time for him to understand and correct the problem? She wouldn't have put it past him - he had always been a smart kid and the three years in which they hadn't had contact had obviously only improved his mind.

"You knew what I was trying to do… somehow," she began again, slowly. She had to work through all this out loud, though she doubted it would make any more sense that way. Artemis nodded but didn't let her finish.

"I moved exactly the quarter of an inch necessary to correct Foaly's calculations, thus giving you time to save my life…" He hesitated for a moment, an uncharacteristic look of self-doubt flickering across his features. "I hoped that was what you'd planned to do but… I understand that at times I haven't been particularly kind towards you and I wouldn't have been surprised, had you been aiming to kill." Holly stared at him and he met her eyes, an almost pleading look in his own. "I might almost say that I would've deserved it."

"Who are you and what have you done with Artemis Fowl?" she said without thinking, her gaze not lifting from his. A genuine smile crossed his face now and he seemed to relax a little.

"I've changed a lot since we last met and it would seem that you have too. Not too much though," he added as an afterthought, almost to himself. Holly heard, but she wasn't sure that she was supposed to have done.

"You've grown out your hair," she said suddenly, though she wasn't sure what made her say it. Earlier she had been thinking about his hair, hadn't she? She'd wondered if it felt as soft as it looked… Her hand twitched but she managed to resist the temptation, which was lucky because Artemis was already looking at her a little like she'd lost her mind. After a short silence he answered her, the look of vague confusion still clouding his sharp features.

"Yes, well… so have you, Captain," he replied coolly, and Holly lifted a hand automatically to her head. She had forgotten that she'd let it grow; it was in a ponytail at the moment but when left loose it fell to just below her shoulders. She couldn't see that much of a difference if she was honest with herself, but she felt a little warm when she realised that Artemis had noticed. Of course, it had been three years since they'd last met; as he'd said, some things about them were bound to have changed.

"Well, yes," she said curtly, sitting up straighter and trying to act as though she hadn't been thinking like a teenager. "We haven't seen each other in a while and…" She waved her hand dismissively, deciding that it was best to move on. "Anyway, that's not the important issue here." Artemis cocked an eyebrow at her blatant understatement on the severity of their current situation.

"So what do we do now? You're supposed to be dead." Butler was staring at Artemis but his gaze was flickering between him and Holly, as though at least one of them was going to have the answer he was looking for. Of course, Holly had planned this far ahead but it wasn't until now that she realised the little flaws that were going to cause problems at this point.

"Well, Foaly and I hadn't banked on you remembering the People, _which_, by the way-" she said, glancing between the two humans with a cross between amusement and despair, "-I am going to have to talk to you about. If you hadn't remembered then I could have Mesmerised you two into thinking that Artemis was still hurt and that he had to be taken to a private clinic. Once we'd got out of range of this place, I was going to administer full mind-wipes, making you believe that you were other humans… It would have been much easier had you not remembered me, as I'm pretty sure neither of you are willing to go along with this plan…?" Artemis didn't even bother to shoot her down, instead offering her a raised eyebrow by way of an answer.

"Somehow I don't think that master Artemis is going to go along with this plan for a second time," Butler replied in his stead, voicing what Holly already knew.

"No, I don't suppose he is," she said dryly, sighing and scooting backwards slightly so that she could lean her head against the cold, grey, concrete wall. "Unfortunately we don't really have any other options, unless you can think of a way of convincing my new boss that you aren't a threat and do not need to be neutralised?" She cocked her head to the side and added: "And it wouldn't hurt if you could think me up an excuse as to why I went out of my way to disobey a direct order and save the human I was supposed to be shooting in the heart. Foaly'd thank you too, you know." Artemis' eyes snapped up to hers, as though only just realising something about their situation.

"There's a point," he said slowly, tapping the fingers of one hand on his knee in a regular rhythm. When he didn't elaborate Holly raised an eyebrow in question and was about to ask outright when he decided to continue his sentence. "I mean, it would have been far easier for you - perhaps for both of us, considering our current predicament - to just kill me and be done with it. So the question is, Captain Short-" and now it was his turn to raise an eyebrow "-why did you feel the need to save me?" Holly was struck dumb for a second and, though she was sure that there was another reason (one that she never wanted to admit, for as long as she lived, if she could help it), she stuck to the basics.

"Simple: You didn't need to be killed… It was unnecessary. I'm the only person from Haven who seems to understand that you're not a threat to the People, aside from Root and Foaly of course." Was that disappointment in his eyes? "Trouble's not sure about you though; reserving judgement so as to get on my good side," she joked, not looking back up at Artemis. Whatever that look had been in his eyes, she didn't want to explore its implications.

"Trouble Kelp? I wasn't aware that he put so much stock in your opinion." Artemis had said it rather coolly but in an completely even tone and it wasn't even a question, so Holly couldn't reply with anything more than a firm nod of confirmation. There was quiet for a moment and it was a little bit awkward for no reason that anybody was able to discern, and then Butler coughed uncomfortably, breaking the silence.

"I'd appreciate it if the two of you would please continue this lovers' spat later and try to find us a way out of this… Preferably one that doesn't involve me dragging unconscious kids out of the building," he said gruffly, and Holly snapped her head up to glare at him.

"Butler, really-" Artemis began, sounding slightly embarrassed by his bodyguard's insinuation. Holly just rolled her eyes and cut him off.

"I think I might have an idea," she said, standing up and brushing herself off. However, before she was able to tell the two humans exactly what that idea was, the door opened on their impromptu meeting.

Oh dear.

**--x--**

**Well, this took a while! Erm... I'm sorry? I guess I suck rather royally for taking so long to update, but I am sort of going through the whole exams-before-university process and it's killing me a little bit. Also, I've been doing serious writing because you generally have to do that if you want to be an author... They're my own characters and everything ;) This was actually a bit of procrastination and relief for me!**

**The next part should be out within the next century ;)**

**As usual, please review, and I hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**IMPORTANT!  
**I am so sorry that it's taken me this long to update, but I genuinely am swamped at the moment. As it is, I felt so guilty about the long wait that I whipped up a short chapter to tide you all until I can write something more interesting. I've stayed up late to do it and I hope you appreciate that, because I have a poetry essay in for Monday and I'm choosing you over university ;)

Anyway, I know it's horrifically short and a bit filler-y and there are probably some mistakes in there but I hope you like it anyway. This time I will try much harder to bring an update out. I will give myself a week to do it, otherwise I am a failure and must be force-fed fish food (not the Ben and Jerry's ice cream, but the actual thing itself, which looks repulsive. I know; I have fish).

**Title: **The Sharpest Lives Chapter 3 [This is getting far longer than I had originally intended]

**Author: **lovechild1403

**Summary: **It's been three years since Captain Holly Short of LEPrecon had any contact with child genius, Artemis Fowl. However, things are going south in Haven and fate will push them together once again – in the bloodiest of ways. [Artemis x Holly]

**Disclaimer**: I am not Eoin Colfer and if I were, I wouldn't have been able to end The Time Paradox any better, no matter what I might otherwise say on the subject. The title is a song by My Chemical Romance, which was the inspiration for this story. I own neither the wonderful band members, their songs nor Eoin Colfer's works. Funnily enough, those belong to Eoin Colfer.

**Word count: **1300

**A/N: **I have actually read all the books but I'm choosing to write this as though no books exist after The Eternity Code and I'm pretending that Artemis's scheme with the gold medallion worked so he got his memories back a couple of years later, which is when he originally told Mulch to come and find him. Also, Opal is in a genuine coma because otherwise I would have to kill her and I don't have time right now.

**P.S. **Also, the LEP recruited Mulch instead of giving him a two day head start. Let's be honest here, he's a freaking brilliant character.

**SPOILER ALERT: **There's nothing specific in this but, just to be safe, I'll say everything up to and including The Opal Deception (I use some of the technology mentioned in there, I think).

* * *

"Foaly told me you could use a hand." Holly breathed a sigh of relief and let a grin light up her face (Artemis was unsuccessfully trying to ignore how attractive this made her look).

"Commander Root, sir!" she said, snapping off a salute, though he wasn't really her superior any more and she just knew he was going to call her on it. Sure enough, he had an "I'm-not-your-commander-now-Holly" speech prepared, but before he could get very far into it, she stopped him, staring rather bemusedly at what else had just entered through the doorway. Artemis and Butler stared at it too, though Artemis for one looked quite pleased at this new development.

"Have I got something on my face?" Mulch said serenely, crossing his eyes to look at his scraggly beard in the hopes of finding a globule of clay or a stray bug that he'd missed earlier on in the day. Holly bit her lip so hard that she almost drew blood; sometimes it was like Mulch _wanted _her to insult him, what with such inviting comments as that.

"Mr Diggums," Artemis greeted him, seeming rather happy to see the dwarf, though not completely surprised. Seeing the exchange that passed between them, a thought hit Holly and she narrowed her eyes at the bearded entity that stood beside her former boss.

"Mulch, I assume you can explain to me how it is that both Artemis and Butler seem to have an impossibly good memory of our existence, considering the fact that they had their _minds wiped _not so long ago?" she asked stonily, her eyes fixed on a now shifty-looking Mulch Diggums. He didn't reply immediately so she continued. "Because knowing you as well as I do - more than perhaps I'd like, all things considered - I can't help but think that you had something to do with this." Mulch scratched his beard thoughtfully, the look on his face neither guilty nor innocent (as was his way), so as not to incriminate himself. It had taken him many years of practice to perfect this look and it worked rather well for him usually. Then again, he wasn't usually facing Holly Short in the mood that she was currently in, having just been forced by her new commanding officer to shoot someone whom she probably thought of as one of her best friends. Taking all these things into consideration, Mulch thought it would probably be best if he didn't try to get out of this one.

"Why don't you ask Artemis? I'm sure he can answer you much better than I can." Well... At least he hadn't outright _lied. _It was an improvement. Holly shook her head and turned to look at the mud man beside her, who was looking decidedly awkward, though he was doing an excellent job of covering it up with feigned nonchalance. She raised one eyebrow and waited for a response.

"I don't know quite what you were expecting, Captain Short," Artemis said finally, his mouth quirking into a smile that was more vampiric than it was comforting. "After all, I _am _a criminal mastermind and I think I have proved on several occasions that my intellect matches Foaly's and, more often than not, I like to think that my plans usually turn out for the best." He was rambling slightly and he hadn't really explained himself yet so Holly just left her eyebrow what it was. The silence that followed the boy's words was thick with tension. Eventually, Artemis broke.

"All right, so I might have engineered the situation so that the Mesmer you used was deflected and so that Mr. Diggums had in his possession some rather interesting evidence as to my position as a friend to the People and... Well, once I had that, naturally I regained all of my memories." Holly nodded, but something was still bugging her slightly. Something that, despite everything that had happened, was still at the forefront of her mind.

"When you remembered everything... Why didn't you get in contact with me again?" she asked, staring into Artemis's eyes as though expecting to find the answer there. The teenager looked slightly lost for words but, once again, the blistering silence got to him.

"I didn't know that you'd want me to," he answered honestly, fiddling with the end of his tie and refusing to make eye-contact. This wasn't like him at all; he could have come up with a much better excuse than that, but he couldn't bring himself to lie to Holly. He would have to examine exactly why that was later, but at that moment, Butler spoke the words that brought them all back to the matter at hand.

"So, how exactly are we going to fool your people into believing that Artemis is dead?" he asked, directing his question towards Holly and Root; as fond as he was of Mulch, he didn't really think that he wanted his ward's life in the grubby hands of a kleptomaniac dwarf. Holly was stumped; she'd made it this far mostly on blind luck and Foaly's careful planning, but not even that had covered what they were going to do afterwards. Suddenly, she remembered what she'd been about to say before Root and Mulch had surprised them all with their presence.

"Oh!" she said, something close to a smile passing across her lips. Everyone turned to look at her, and she quickly explained her plan, being as quick and detailed as she could manage. When she'd finished, Artemis looked torn between admiration and apprehension.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Mulch piped up, tilting his chin up so as to look as haughty as possible.

"Since it's not your life we're saving here, I'm going with 'no'," Root replied gruffly, but he looked amused beneath his moustache. Mulch simply looked put-out and Holly stifled a laugh.

"I have to admit, Captain Short, this is one of your better plans," said Artemis lightly, smiling. Holly's stomach did a back-flip, which she ignored with practised ease, but she managed to smile back.

"It'll be a piece of cake, right?" Mulch asked, his beard twitching nervously. Holly nodded reassuringly.

"Right!".

Wrong.

* * *

**Good lord, that's even shorter than I thought it was going to be. I'm a terrible person. But let's say that I get this story wrapped up in two chapters, and I give myself until Christmas? Right. I can do this (probably).**

**Please tell me what you thought! :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Dudes and laydeez: **All right, so it's been a little while since the last, pitiful update, but I figure I'm still all right... I said this would be finished before Christmas, yes? Well, it will.  
Even if the last chapter is posted on Christmas Eve.

**Title: **The Sharpest Lives Chapter 4 [Okay, this is getting a little ridiculous now]  
**Author: **lovechild1403

**Disclaimer:** As mentioned countless times before, I own neither Artemis Fowl (a work by the talented author, Eoin Colfer), nor the song this story is named after (_The Sharpest Lives - My Chemical Romance_). Got it?  
**Word count: **1,706

**A/N: **For all the information you could possibly want about this story, please see previous chapters. I'm pretty sure you don't need reminding about the medallion and other inane facts every time you read this. You're smart people, I'm sure you can figure these things out for yourselves.  
Oh, and I _know _that the Mesmer is only supposed to work when eye contact can be established but let's just say it can be done without for the purposes of this story. Maybe it can be done, but with a little extra magic? I don't know, I'm not a fairy expert.

* * *

Tina hated her job usually; it was extremely dull being a receptionist at the best of times, but when you worked for a conferencing company...? That tripled the amount of boredom you suffered throughout the working day. It was just answering phone call after phone call, telling people rates and opening hours and - argh! It was extremely frustrating.

However, Tina found herself thinking of boredom as a far-off, much loved dream today, as she struggled to keep up with the influx of calls and the sheer number of people screeching at her and demanding information. As if she knew what the hell was going on; she was even more in the dark than the rest of them, because she hadn't actually been in the room at the time of the supposed shooting.

"I _demand _that you call my bodyguard at once, young lady!" one man was shouting at her, slamming his fists down on the desk that separated them like he thought he was King Kong or something. "I would have brought Carlos here myself if I'd known there was going to be an assassination!" Tina's first thought was _'your bodyguard's name is Carlos?'_ and her second was _'if you'd known there was going to be an assassination, I don't imagine you would have come here at all'_. However, she said neither of these things, instead opting for the bland, but all-encompassing:

"My apologies, sir, but there are other matters that need to be dealt with first. I'll carry out with your request as soon as is humanly possible." Her execution was perfect; polite but with a hint of almost-undetectable loathing and patronisation. People didn't usually pick up on these things when they were talking to a pretty, blonde receptionist; they assumed that she couldn't spell her own name and never suspected for a moment that she had four 'A' levels and a first-class degree in Information Technology.

"Hello, Campbell Conferencing of Limerick, how may I be of service?" To the casual watcher, the change would have been completely impossible to detect; a slight slackening of the mouth and a sort of dreaminess around the eyes were both indications that the Mesmer had been used. Tina was now under the control of a fairy. She listened for a moment and then nodded to herself and put the phone down. Hitching up her pencil-skirt, she climbed onto the front desk and adjusted the controls on her headset so that she could make an announcement to the entire foyer.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you could please make your way out of the building and congregate on the front lawn - if you would kindly leave space for the emergency services to arrive and under no circumstances should you re-enter the building." All eyes were on the blonde woman as she gestured calmly towards the door. "I repeat: please could you leave the foyer and congregate on the lawn. Do not re-enter the building." The babble had died down now and after a few moments of near-silence, the masses did as they were told, herding themselves into the outside world.

Tina then stepped down off the desk, as per her instructions, and walked down the hall to a supply closet on the right. She opened the door and was completely unsurprised to see a human adolescent, two elves, a dwarf and what appeared to be a giant in a suit. The aforementioned giant was also pointing a gun directly at her face, but this didn't seem to phase her at all.

"Please," she said scathingly, eyeing the gun with nothing like fear; "I'm a receptionist - I've had to deal with much worse than that." Butler cocked his head to the side before slowly lowering his gun and slipping it back into the holster beneath his jacket.

"Miss Hughes, if you wouldn't mind doing one last thing for us, that would be fantastic," Holly said, staring straight into the girl's eyes and smiling kindly. Tina nodded her head.

"Of course - anything I can do to help."

"How very obliging of you," Butler said sarcastically, but the combination of glares from Holly and Artemis quickly shut him up.

"Thank you, Miss Hughes. Now, if you could go to the mains CCTV panel and open the front, you'll see a small bundle of fibre-optic wires that shouldn't be there. I misplaced them earlier and I believe that's where they'll be. Would you mind retrieving that for me?" Tina nodded again and smiled.

"It's my job to help in any way I can," she said and turned to walk out of the door. Once she'd left, Holly turned to the others.

"Right - does everybody know what their part is in all of this?" Everybody nodded silently - there seemed to be a lot of very mild-mannered assent going on around here - apart from Mulch, who had suckered himself to the walls in an attempt to escape the upcoming events. Unfortunately for him, Holly noticed him before he could reach the air duct and, with one look at Butler, he was back on the floor in no time.

"I don't see what I have to do with all of this," he whined, his eyes flicking occasionally to the open doorway of the storage cupboard. Holly rolled her eyes.

"You came to help so you're going to help, all right? Besides, you're in the least amount of danger out of all of us," she said and before Mulch could protest, moan or bite her, Tina reappeared, holding Foaly's wonder-wire (a certain ex-LEP elf may have named it in her head) and looking rather obliging. Holly took it from her outstretched hand and pocketed it gratefully.

"Thank you very much, Miss Hughes - you may join the others on the lawn now and forget that all of this ever happened," she said smoothly, her voice thick with layers of magic.

"That's very nice of you," replied Tina, smiling at them all before exiting the room, presumably to do exactly what she'd been told and join the rest of the confused humans on the lawn outside. Of course, if anybody were to ask her where she'd been then she would have no idea, but it wasn't really an obstacle to her plan. Tina had been nice enough but worrying about whether or not people were going to think she was crazy was right at the bottom of Holly's list of priorities at that moment.

"So, Short - I'm ready to do my part," said Root gruffly, stepping forwards and saluting her. She bit back a grin, knowing that any sign of amusement from her would completely ruin the moment. She saluted back without a trace of irony.

"Sir? Let's get out of here." Root nodded sharply, both hands by his sides now, and slipped out of the room with a surprising amount of agility considering his age and general ability to fill a room with his presence. Holly supposed it was an authority thing.* She turned to Artemis and Mulch, the former of whom looked thoroughly prepared for the task at hand. As a matter of fact, she couldn't really think of a time when Artemis _hadn't _been prepared for any task. He was meticulous with every detail of everything that he did. Well, _probably _everything... She hadn't had a chance to test that theory yet. She shook her head, dispelling these unhelpful thoughts, and nodded to Mulch. He rolled his eyes and sighed in a long-suffering sort of way but she knew that he was secretly enjoying his part in all of this. She imagined that he missed the criminal way of life and, if outsmarting the new LEP commander was all he could get, then he was going to take it, and he was going to do his part with pride.

"C'mere, mud boy," he directed towards the Irish youth, who did as he was told, lying flat on his back on the floor next to the dwarf. In one surprisingly fluid movement, Mulch unhinged his jaw and scooped an unsurprised Artemis into his mouth. Coating him generously with multi-purpose dwarf spittle, the boy was then spat back out. The result of this rather strange display was that Artemis was now covered in a rapidly hardening cocoon all the way up to his shoulders and his eyes were drooping as his body began to react to the sedative in Mulch's spit.

"As good as this plan is... Holly," he said, not noticing the slight blush that tinged her cheeks at the sound of her first name coming from his mouth, "I must lodge a complaint that... I had to be completely submerged for... for any amount of... time..." And on that note, he conked out.

"Right." Holly turned to Mulch in full Plan Mode. "Diggums - onto Phase two." He nodded and walked to the wall of the spacious store cupboard in which they were residing. Using his thirsty pores to get a grip on the smooth, flat surface, he began to climb all the way up to the ceiling. Once he reached it, he turned slightly and made his way, upside-down, to a small vent above Holly's head and opened it with the practised ease of a criminal. He cackled and pulled himself inside, disappearing from sight.

"You know, I probably could just have lifted him to the ceiling myself," said Butler, who was making quite a good job of staying invisible considering his size. Holly turned to him and shot him a sly grin.

"Then he wouldn't have had the chance to show off now, would he?" Butler nodded in agreement before turning to his young ward, who was snoring gently in his cocoon on the floor. _Snoring_, Holly thought, amused; she would be sure to tell Artemis all about that when they got out of this. _If _they got out of this.

She shook her head to rid herself of any such negative thoughts and moved over to Artemis's prone figure, swiftly attaching him to her moon belt and preparing to switch it on. She took one last look at Butler, who simply inclined his head in the smallest of movements.

Time to get down to business.

* * *

*You have no idea how tempting it was to just add "Holly liked authority figures... Mmm..." but, after cackling internally for a bit, I thought it would be a little inappropriate and bordering on the ridiculous; things which for which I am renowned, but which have no particular place here. I'm in Eoin Colfer's sandpit, so I need to play nice with his toys.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that - I'd wager it was a little more substantial than the last instalment!

As usual, please review, etc. and I will give you hugs and love via those crazy ol' internet wires :)

H x


	5. IMPORTANT

**IMPORTANT UPDATE BUT, SADLY, NO ACTUAL CHAPTER - APOLOGIES IF YOU THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS**

**BECAUSE IT ISN'T**

Right, so I know I promised you all - or rather one of you in particular - that I would have this story wrapped up by Christmas. This is obviously not the case, as it is the 30th of December and 'The Sharpest Lives' remains woefully unfulfilled. I am extremely sorry about this but, as I'm sure you'll understand, the Christmas period gets PRETTY BUSY when you have a thousand and one presents to buy and wrap, two large fruit cakes to bake, carols to sing, and a Christmas dinner to arrange, book and attend. Not to mention two looming deadlines for the middle of January for essays on subjects you know next-to-nothing about. Essentially, I've been completely swamped.

I really am sorry though - I overestimated my own attention-span a little - and so I have prepared a little poll over at my LJ as penitence for my sins against fanfiction. Please vote so that I know what you want from me! I want to make the last instalment the penultimate one...

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**THE POLL IS AT **lovechild1403 (dot) livejournal (dot) com (forward slash) 12512 (dot) html

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P.S. I love you all, as always, and hope you had fantastic Christmases (unless you don't celebrate it, in which case I hope you had a fantastic... winter?)

P.P.S. Do feel free to have a gander at my LJ if you should so desire. It is incredibly uninteresting but there you have it; it's always around if you suddenly feeling like boring yourself to death (hey - it would get you out of going back to school/college/university/work/other)


End file.
